A Happy Marriage, Is It Possible?
I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why God has blessed me by giving Becki as my wife. I have never felt so loved, so respected, cherished and supported and I never thought a marriage could be this wonderful. I used to think that Walt Disney lied to us, for no couple has lived happily ever after, but I feel like I am living in a Walt Disney’s dream with her. Before you think that I am delusional, I need to say, that we have had our share of disagreements, but we don’t let the sun go down on without working it out. Also, I need to admit that I am 89.9% wrong when we do disagree, and I am quick to admit it.
Let me share some facts which can shed some light on Christian marriages.
The most recent survey reveals that somewhere between 47% and 51% of Christian marriages end in divorce, and these Christians are faithful in Church attendance. What is shocking is this, it’s the same statistic as the world’s population, which is reported at 50%. What are the problems which have caused such a high divorce rate among evangelical Christians? Here are the top 5 problems in marriages.
- Lack of commitment
- Infildelity
- Too much conflict and arguing
- Lack of physical intimacy
- Loss of shared interests
I am not going to discuss Infidelity, Addition or Abuse, because of time and there are numerous resources on these, except to say this one thing; men, if you’re looking at porn, stop now. Enough said. The numerous problems stated above are, lack of commitment, too much conflict, lack of physical intimacy and loss of shared interests, all these can be boiled down to one thing, Marital Apathy.
Husbands come home exhausted and change their clothes, grab something to eat and turn on the T.V., not realizing for one second that your wife has cleaned the house, got the kids to school, fixing breakfast, lunches, and dinner, organized the bills, made doctor’s appointments for you and the children, or she has been at work all day too and hasn’t sat down for the last 4 hours. Then hubby eats dinner, doesn’t help with the kid’s homework or dishes and heads to the garage or back in front of the T.V. Leaving all the clean-up, housework, and homework for your wife to do. Then he can’t figure out why his wife isn’t in “the mood” when you go to bed.
How can you change? Remember how you felt about her when you first met? Bring out the old photo albums and remember how you couldn’t spend enough time with her, because she was always on your mind. If she was doing something, you were right next to her and even did a little extra so she would notice. At times you might have shock her by giving her a good kiss and then telling her often how pretty you think she is. But more importantly, remember as a Christian husband, that you represent Christ and His love for the Church, His bride. Men, we are supposed to love our wives as Christ loves the Church. Christ doesn’t neglect His bride, and neither should we. Christ tells His bride how much she is loved; do you still say that to her? Christ spends time building her up in the faith, do you spend time in prayer with your wife, and sharing God’s word with her? The closer you are spiritually with your wife, the closer you will be physically with her, for that is the way God designed marriage.
Last thoughts, men, get rid of your expectations, stop expecting that your wife will do everything. Plan and prepare an evening dinner at home, even when you are tired. Start cleaning up the house, vacuum, dust, pick up the kid’s room and you might find she isn’t so exhausted at night. The other word that is important is gratitude, when a man loses his gratitude for his wife, his job, or his home, he will begin to regret being married. I know a couple of men who would give their right arms to be married, therefore, be grateful that God has blessed you with a wife. A truly grateful man will not compare his wife to other women, for he will thank God for the wife of his youth. Proverbs 5:19, “Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” Also, a Grateful man will keep his eyes from looking at other women. Don’t compare and don’t look, let your affection and your eyes be only for her.
A struggling marriage will not heal overnight, but it is God’s will that you have a strong marriage, and when God’s desire is for you to experience a blessed and happy marriage, nothing can stop it, except you! One book that I have recommend is “An Intimate Marriage,” by R. C. Sproul. Men, this old saying isn’t biblical, but it’s true, a happy wife is a happy life.
A Fellow Husband,
John
